replace your head with a sparkling jewel
replace your head with a sparkling jewel

replace your head with a sparkling jewel

Regular price $4.00 Sale

Instructions for Replacing your brain with a jewel
think because you've replaced your brain with a jewel. Remember that the jewel you have replaced your brain with is in fact a jewel, and not the sun, therefore it is not hot when you touch it, it does not provide vitamin D to over 6 billion people, and it is not responsible for the constant reversal of daytime to nighttime and cycle of seasons which provide the framework of change that helps us accept things in our life which aren't as we would like them to be. Remember also that your brain now being a jewel means that you can no longer think. Make sure that you have read the instructions which are sold separately from the instructions for the transformative process. These instructions include saying goodbye to all the thoughts you have ever had, and also all the thoughts that you would have had had you not decided to turn your brain into a jewel. This is important because you don't want to miss them. You don't want to have to think constantly about the lack of thoughts in your head now that your brain is no longer an apparatus for forming abstract connections between things, and is now a sparkling shining and hard jewel which could be used to reflect the sun had it not been taken out of the sky in order to make the jewel that is now in your head.

If you have ever had a jewel in your head, be careful that the one you now have in your head is different (very) from any other jewels you might have had at separate points in your life. The reason for this ist aht jewels, after they have been in your head for a long time, begin to take the shape of the place they have been for a long time, like your foot gradually fitting better into a new hard shoe, or else like a dog which slowly but surely transforms into having the same physical appearance and spiritual disposition as its owner.
This process of gradual dualistic synthesis is similar to the accumulation of mold (or moss) onto a stone. It dirties the purity of the stone. It makes the stone frantic with worry about how it can preserve its own physical well being. It is not good for the heart of the rock. It is important that all trash be taken out soon or immediately after the transformation of one's brain into a shiny, clittering jewel, or else everything else will go wrong. You won't feel the light shining out from the inside of your head, infecting all your orifices so that not just your mouth but your ears, nostrils and eye sockets as well spit out shiny globs of sunny goodness that could go towards, if they were all motivated, the beginning of a whole new world or even a way of thinking.
Step 2. after you've taken out the trash it is time that you hid under your bed for a long time until everything is back to normal. Surely you are tired. Surely you have had a long journey, and, next to your two or four concealed bedposts you notice that it is possible for yourself to rest. Thought you came in (under) here in order to hide, it seems better now if you just go to sleep. Everything will be different in th morning, or at least the things that matter for your sanity will and it is dark and cool under here. it is easy to imagine a net, perhaps one made out of fur, slowly enclosing your, and pressing your body into the hardwood floor beneath it. Oh how nice it is to be nowhere, to imagine the way that the world would be if nothing, not even space existed.
Step 4: try going back to work. It will be hard to do this. The reasoning is that you've been out for a long time and a lot of things have changed since you were there. Somebody was kicked out of your desk that used to be there 24/7 and almost nobody gets up when they see you because they all want you to realize they've forgotten your name. You got to make tea first, but then you realize that you don't know where the teapot is and you've never used it, at least in this life you now live where your brain is a jewel. You go to make coffee, but the coffee maker has a note on it and you realize you can't read English. Everything starts to turn around from there. your friend Betsy who still remembers you from before when the transformation happened, just not your name, was almost about to make tea, and she gets up and loads the teapot with about two pounds of tea bags that look and smell like dish washing liquid. You realize you have a lot of work to do, so you stagger back to your desk because that's how you walk now that your cerebral cortex is just a big shiny gem stone and your motor movement is not only uncoordinated but also unconscious. everything seems the same despite the fact that everything is different. When you look out the window, you see sixteen white geese standings til in the parking lot, and that is your first sign that your transformation was a good one, that you are now happy.
Tips and Tricks for turning your brain into a jewel
1. make sure that your face and hair are clean before you attempt this procedure. You'll want to wash them with the kind of soap that comes in a bag. Open up the dish washer and take out a plate. Now take the amount of dish soap you're saving by not having to wash that plate onto your hand.Smell it profusely, letting all of it come into your eardrums and the vessels of your nose.
really what you need is a big cavernous drum in a giant friendly room for all of this to work properly. Call on the help of your fellow ele, a piece of the ginger snap cookie that you once used to cover up a hole in part of your aunt's fur. Let it show you all the things that would be possible, for example, sit slowly and quietly on the toilet and see that if you don't move, the pee not only comes out faster, but also takes a longer time to drip onto your underpants (and there's less of a mess).

includes
jewel
instructions for replacing your head with a jewel

note: your head sold separately.

 

consider purchasing your head before buying this kit